Harry Potter Got a Facebook
by AryaTyrell
Summary: What if everyone in the world of Harry Potter got a Facebook? Summarizing the books.
1. Chapter 1

**Harry Potter **Today, I set a snake on my cousin. Normal family stuff.

**5 people like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> I don't know which is weirder- having my uncle move us to a god-forsaken rock in the middle of nowhere or have a giant knock down your door and say you're a wizard.

**Rubeus Hagrid and Albus Dumbledore like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I feel like "Pretty Woman" after shopping all day :P

**Rubeus Hagrid likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Met two strange people on the train today….

**Ron Weasley **Hey!

**Hermione Granger** Well, it's true… you are very strange… you thought you could turn your rat yellow.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley<strong> Ughhh…. **Hermione Granger** is in the same House as me. Kill me now.

**Fred Weasley and George Weasley like this. **

**Molly Weasley **RONALD WEASLEY! I will not have that talk from you! You have a long and successful life in front of you and you will NOT cut it short!

**Harry Potter and Hermione Granger like this. **

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><p><strong>Hermione Granger <strong>**Harry Potter **You're such an idiot.

**Harry Potter **I know.

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley<strong> I killed a troll today. SCORE!

**Harry Potter **I was the one whose wand got stuck up its nose.

**Ron Weasley **I was the one who killed it with its own club.

**Hermione Granger **You didn't kill it, you knocked it out.

**Fred Weasley **I knew he was lying.

**Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, George Weasley, and 7 other people like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Made the Quidditch team! :D

**Draco Malfoy **DISLIKE.

**Harry Potter **Jealous.

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Snitches don't taste good. At all. Ewww.

**Hermione Granger **Well, that's what you get for trying to surf on a broom. Idiot.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Rubeus Hagrid <strong>Why would you name a vicious three-headed dog Fluffy?

**Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley <strong>I just realized… "Erised" is "Desire" backwards!

**Albus Dumbledore **Duh.

**Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, and 11 other people like this. **

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley <strong>I hate Devil's Snare…

**Hermione Granger **I told you to lie still, and did you listen? Of course not.

**Ron Weasley **Well it's hard to lie still when something like that is attacking you! Would you lie still if You-Know-Who attacked you?

**Harry Potter **….

**Hermione Granger **So tactless.

**Harry Potter and 4 other people like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I love how I can kill people by touching them.

**Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Albus Dumbledore like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Back to the Dursleys… ugh.

**Ron Weasley **Well you can use that Curse of the Bogies on **Dudley Dursley. **

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Dudley Dursley **…..


	2. Chapter 2

**Harry Potter **Today, a house elf comes by and says:

1) Hogwarts is no longer safe

2) He's been stealing my mail

3) He's from a "very old, ancient family"

And then he goes and smashes a pie on my uncle's boss.

I think I'm gonna die…

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

**Ron Weasley **Proof that house-elves are weird.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Ron Weasley <strong>I never knew you could drive…

**Molly Weasley **Is there something you boys aren't telling me?

**Fred Weasley, George Weasley, and Hermione Granger like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Ron Weasley <strong>I don't know what you're whining about, your house is freaking amazing.

**Molly Weasley likes this. **

**Molly Weasley **Thank you, Harry dear!

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Never travel by Floo Powder. Ever Again.

**Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley like this. **

**Fred Weasley **It's not our fault you said "Diagonally" instead of "Diagon Alley"

**Harry Potter **It's the same thing!

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>In Diagon Alley, we could get a picture with **Gilderoy Lockhart **for 10 Sickles. Ron gave him the finger from behind.

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

**Ron Weasley **Self-centered little git…he totally deserved it.

**Hermione Granger **You could get pictures? Where was that?

**Harry Potter **It was in front of Flourish and Blotts at noon, where were you?

**Hermione Granger** I was at the Three Broomsticks with my parents… I can't believe I missed it!

**Ron Weasley **What on earth do you see in him?

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I almost got killed by a tree. Thanks so much, **Ron Weasley**.

**Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley like this. **

**Ron Weasley **Hey, at least your wand didn't get cut in half D:

**Severus Snape **I wish it really did kill you, not "almost."

**Argus Filch likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I now have my own stalker… **Colin Creevey**.

**Ron Weasley **Better hope he and Ginny don't meet, they'll start a fan club.

**Ginny Weasley** …..

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>A Mandrake bit **Draco Malfoy's** finger in Herbology. It made my day.

**Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley like this. **

**Draco Malfoy **It really hurt.

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><p><strong>Neville Longbottom <strong>I never knew pixies could be so strong…

**Harry Potter and Ron Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Happy 500th deathday, **Nearly Headless Nick! **

**Nearly Headless Nick likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Detention with **Gilderoy Lockhart **today. His form of "punishment:" answering his fan mail. WHY ME?

**Ron Weasley and Gilderoy Lockhart like this. **

**Hermione Granger **Lucky!

**Harry Potter **Lucky? I was there for four hours!

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley <strong>Mrs. Norris Petrified? YESSSS.

**Argus Filch **WHAT DID YOU SAY?

**Ron Weasley **I'm very sorry for you loss, Mr. Filch.

**Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and George Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>That Dueling Club was B.S.

**Ron Weasley **You're telling me.

**Severus Snape likes this. **

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><p><strong>Justin Finch-Fletchly Harry Potter <strong>almost made a snake eat me D:

**Harry Potter **I saved your butt -.-"

**Justin Finch-Fletchly **Sure didn't sound like it.

**Harry Potter **You heard me, I was saying "Stay away" to that snake.

**Justin Finch- Fletchly **No, I heard: "HISSSSS"

**Harry Potter **Whatever :P

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Now I almost died because of a stupid ball. Why do seemingly harmless things tend to attack me?

**Ron Weasley **Don't forget… you lost all the bones in your arm because of **Gilderoy Lockhart. **He's "seemingly harmless."

**Gilderoy Lockhart **Well, at least it doesn't hurt.

**Madame Pomfrey **Idiot.

**Harry Potter and Ron Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Hermione Granger <strong>Ugh. I hate being a cat. Puking up hairballs 24/7 is NOT my idea of entertainment.

**Ron Weasley, Harry Potter, and Madame Pomfrey like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Colin Creevey <strong>Petrified? YESSSS. Mrs. Norris Petrified? DOUBLE YESSSS. **Hermione Granger **Petrified? NOOOOO!

**Pomona Sprout **Don't worry, Harry… the mandrakes are already brewing and your girlfriend will be alright again! :D

**Harry Potter **She's not my girlfriend! -_-

**Pomona Sprout **If you say so.

**Ron Weasley **….

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>The entrance to the Chamber of Secrets is in the girls' bathroom. Imagine that.

**Ron Weasley and Moaning Myrtle like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>"Heart of a lion, this one."

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Ginny Weasley <strong>I spent time with **Gilderoy Lockhart, **went underground, crawled in a sewer, fought a basilisk, and almost died. Be very grateful.

**Ginny Weasley **…

**Moaning Myrtle **Shame you didn't die, Harry. You could have shared my cubicle.

**Harry Potter **Um... no thanks.

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley Hermione Granger <strong>Why didn't I get a hug at the end-of-the-year feast? D:

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Hermione Granger **Because… Harry's a better hugger.

**Fred Weasley **Face it, little bro: you'll never have a girlfriend.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Ron Weasley **Shut up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Harry Potter **Thanks so much **Ron Weasley **and **Hermione Granger** for the bday presents! xD

**Ron Weasley **Why, what she get you?

**Harry Potter** A "Broomstick Servicing Kit."

**Ron Weasley **Hey, why didn't I get that for my bday? Stop playing favorites, Hermione.

**Hermione Granger **Next year we'll see.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I blew up my aunt today. Best bday present ever.

**Ron Weasley, Fred Weasley, and George Weasley like this.**

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><p><strong>Stan Shunpike <strong>I met **Neville Longbottom **on the Knight Bus today, but he really turned out to be **Harry Potter**. Crazy stuff.

**Harry Potter and Ron Weasley like this. **

**Neville Longbottom **?

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><p><strong> Harry Potter <strong>Got off scot-free today with **Cornelius Fudge.** Wonder why?...

**Ron Weasley **It's because he likes you, Harry!

**Hermione Granger** And you say I play favorites?

**Harry Potter likes this. **

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><p><strong>Hermione Granger <strong>Got a lovely cat today. I named him Crookshanks : )

**Ginny Weasley likes this. **

**Ron Weasley **That was a cat? It was more like an pig with hair.

**Hermione Granger **The Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats.

**Ron Weasley **Yeah, along with the dung beetle...

**Harry Potter likes this. **

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><p><strong>Draco Malfoy Harry Potter <strong>You fainted? You actually fainted on the train? :D Sissy.

**Pansy Parkinson, Vincent Crabbe, and Gregory Goyle like this. **

**Hermione Granger **Cram it, Malfoy.

**Draco Malfoy **Who asked you, Mudblood?

**Harry Potter **Watch it, Malfoy… or you'll have to stand in the corner.

**Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger like this. **

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><p><strong>Hermione Granger <strong>"Open your Inner Eye to see the future!" -.-" Divination is B.S.

**Harry Potter and Ron Weasley like this. **

**Sybill Trelawney **I'm sorry you feel that way, dear… it shocks me although I already knew it was going to happen.

**Hermione Granger **Sureeee… whatever you say, professor.

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><p><strong>Draco Malfoy <strong>I almost died in Care of Magical Creatures today because of **Rubeus Hagrid. **I'll sue!

**Pansy Parkinson likes this. **

**Rubeus Hagrid **: (

**Harry Potter **No, you almost died because Buckbeak was smart enough to slash the heck out of you when you insulted him. So there.

**Ron Weasley likes this.**

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Quidditch match today! You're going down, Hufflepuff.

**Oliver Wood likes this. **

**Cedric Diggory **Actually it was you who went down, Harry…

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>My poor broomstick. R.I.P. Nimbus 2000.

**Ron Weasley and Oliver Wood like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Best Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson ever! Although… why did **Remus Lupin** not let me do the boggart? D:

**Remus Lupin **Various reasons.

**Harry Potter** Thanks for being so specific.

**Remus Lupin **You're welcome.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I got a Firebolt in the mail today. But before I even touch it, **Hermione Granger **comes up and tells me it might be from Sirius Black, so now its being tested for curses. Really, Hermione? Thanks so much.

**Ron Weasley likes this.**

**Hermione Granger** Well you never know!

**Harry Potter** Sirius Black can't just walk into Quality Quidditch Supplies and buy a broomstick. -.-"

**Parvati Patil **She just wanted to make sure you were safe! -_- Jesus, you boys are thick sometimes.

**Hermione Granger and Lavender Brown like this. **

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley Hermione Granger <strong>YOUR DEMENTED CAT ATE SCABBERS!

**Hermione Granger **No he didn't!

**Ron Weasley **Uh, yeah he did. I saw little orange hairs around my bed, and a load of red stuff.

**Hermione Granger** Okay 1) the orange hair is probably yours, and 2) the "load of red stuff" is probably your secret hoard of juice underneath your bed.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Ron Weasley **I still hate you.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>My neck hurts from sleeping on the floor in the Great Hall last night. Owww.

**Ron Weasley **Sirius Black just broke into the castle and you're worried about _that?_

**Remus Lupin likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Got my Firebolt back. Sorry, **Hermione Granger**...

**Oliver Wood, Angelina Johnson, Katie Bell, Alicia Spinnet, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, and Parvati Patil like this. **

**Hermione Granger** About time -.-

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>POWNAGE BY **Hermione Granger**! Punching **Draco Malfoy **in the face was brilliant! I wish I could go back in time and watch it over and over….

**Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> Met **Sirius Black **for the first time. Nice guy.

**Sirius Black and Ron Weasley like this. **

**Sirius Black **You know it.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I got my wish… Hermione somehow made us go back in time, and I'm watching her sucker punch Malfoy again. It's so weird.

**Hermione Granger likes this. **

**Ron Weasley **You know what's weirder? Having your pet rat of 12 years suddenly go from a rat to a human and saying he murdered 13 people.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> "Is that really what I look like from the back?" -.-" Girls.

**Hermione Granger **Well I never get to see myself from the back!

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>"Wait, how did you go from there… to over there... because you were just there!" **Ron Weasley **you're hilarious xD

**Hermione Granger and Harry Potter like this. **

**Ron Weasley **Well I didn't know Hermione had a Time-Turner, okay?

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> **Ron Weasley** Don't ever call me again.

**Hermione Granger and Albus Dumbledore like this. **

**Ron Weasley **I didn't know how to use the phone...

**Hermione Granger** You don't know lots of things.

**Harry Potter **Ah, good times.


	4. Chapter 4

**Harry Potter Ron Weasley **In your next letter, don't put so many stamps -.-"

**Hermione Granger likes this. **

**Ron Weasley **My mum thought one wouldn't be enough.

**Molly Weasley **I don't like your tone, young man.

**Ron Weasley **We're on a computer! I don't have a tone!

**Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> Going to the World Cup with **Ron Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Molly Weasley, **and **Hermione Granger**! SOOO EXCITED

**Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Oliver Wood like this. **

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><p><strong>Hermione Granger Ron Weasley <strong>"Wild! I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again…and again…and again…." -_-

**Harry Potter and Fred Weasley like this. **

**Ron Weasley **What? I've never had my own Omnioculars, okay?

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><p><strong>George Weasley <strong>Fred and I bet **Ludo Bagman **35 Galleons that Viktor Krum gets the Snitch, but Ireland wins. Guess who won that bet?...

**Fred Weasley, Ron Weasley, and Ludo Bagman like this. **

**Arthur Weasley **Don't let your mother know you've been gambling.

**Molly Weasley **Too late.

**Harry Potter and Hermione Granger like this. **

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley Harry Potter <strong>I still can't believe you passed out in the middle of all that Dark Mark chaos.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

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><p><strong>Hermione Granger Harry Potter <strong>I've never seen someone look so happy after getting candy off the trolley on the train ;D

**Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger like this. **

**Harry Potter **…..

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><p><strong>Cedric Diggory <strong>and **Cho Chang **are in a relationship.

**Hermione Granger, Lavender Brown, Hannah Abbott, Parvati Patil, Cho Chang, and Cedric Diggory like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>1st champion: **Cedric Diggory** (APPLAUSE) 2nd champion **Fleur Delacour **(APPLAUSE) 3rd champion: **Viktor Krum** (APPLAUSE) 4th champion: **Harry Potter **(dead silence). Love you guys too. -_-

**Cedric Diggory, Fleur Delacour, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Alastor Moody, and Albus Dumbledore like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Learned the Unforgivable Curses today in DADA. I'm SO ready to try them on some Slytherins….

**Ron Weasley and Alastor Moody like this. **

**Minerva McGonagall **Alastor! How can you be encouraging students to do such a thing?

**Alastor Moody **They had it coming.

**Harry Potter and Ron Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Hermione Granger Harry Potter <strong>You smelled really funny today… was it that milk you spilled all over your front when **Cho Chang **looked at you at breakfast?

**Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley and Cho Chang like this. **

**Harry Potter **Kill me now.

**Severus Snape **I gladly will.

**Argus Filch likes this. **

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><p><strong>Alastor Moody Draco Malfoy <strong>You made a lovely ferret today.

**Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ludo Bagman, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Lee Jordan, and 15 other people like this.**

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>First task tomorrow….

**Ron Weasley **Survive.

**Harry Potter **You're a big help.

**Ron Weasley** Why thank you.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Top marks today! Wewt wewt ^_~

**Ludo Bagman, Hermione Granger, Albus Dumbledore, and Ron Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Stupid **Rita Skeeter…. **

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

**Hermione Granger** Agreed.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Should I really eat something **Neville Longbottom **gave me?

**Neville Longbottom** Well, it worked in the second task.

**Harry Potter **Painfully.

**Ginny Weasley likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Why do girls move in packs? How are you supposed to ask one to the Yule Ball when they do?

**Hermione Granger **They move in packs because they know idiots like you will try to ask them and they'll be too embarrassed to handle it on their own.

**Ron Weasley **Lasso one, mate. It's the only way.

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley <strong>I just asked **Fleur Delacour **to the ball. I think I'm gonna die.

**Harry Potter, Fred Weasley, and Molly Weasley like this. **

**Molly Weasley **Awww! My ickle Ronniekins is growing up!

**Ron Weasley **MOM!

**Hermione Granger **What did Fleur say?

**Ron Weasley **No D:

**Hermione Granger **Why, did you try to lasso her? ;D

**Harry Potter likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Ron Weasley <strong>It's okay…. **Cho Chang **said no. D:

**Cedric Diggory likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> Dancing = NEVER AGAIN.

**Ron Weasley, Fred Weasley, Parvati Patil, and Hermione Granger like this. **

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><p><strong>Hermione Granger <strong>Just spent the night with **Viktor Krum **and found out one of his special talents ;D

**Viktor Krum likes this. **

**Molly Weasley **HERMIONE GRANGER!

**Hermione Granger **No, Mrs. Weasley! I meant dancing! We went to the Yule Ball together!

**Harry Potter **Oh, is that what everyone calls it now? "Dancing?"

**Fred Weasley **Yeahh! Get some, Granger!

**Molly Weasley **Get some what?

**Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Fred Weasley, and 8 other people like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I hate mazes.

**Fleur Delacour, Cedric Diggory, and Viktor Krum like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I witnessed someone come to life in a graveyard. How ironic.

**Ron Weasley, Cedric Diggory, and Hermione Granger like this. **

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><p><strong>Cho Chang <strong>is single.

**Harry Potter likes this. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Harry Potter Dudley Dursley **I saved your stupid fat butt today. What do you say?...

**Dudley Dursley **Thank you…. 

**Petunia Dursley likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>"Both buttocks on?" xD **Nymphadora Tonks **You're too funny.

**Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin, and Ron Weasley like this. **

**Nymphadora Tonks **Well **Alastor Moody **kept saying we'd lose a buttock if we didn't get serious….

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Flying over London? Amazing.

**Nymphadora Tonks, Charlie Weasley, and Alastor Moody like this. **

**Nymphadora Tonks **If only Mad-Eye didn't make us fly so high for "safety reasons"…. we almost froze to our brooms.

**Harry Potter **You're telling me.

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><p><strong>Alastor Moody, Albus Dumbledore, Nymphadora Tonks, Molly Weasley, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Hestia Jones, and Dedalus Diggle <strong>have joined thegroup** "The Order of the Phoenix." **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>My hearing is today…. Merlin help me.

**Ron Weasley **You'll get off like you did a few years ago.

**Arthur Weasley Cornelius Fudge** isn't in favor of Harry anymore… stupid git.

**George Weasley, Harry Potter, and Ginny Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Arabella Figg <strong>"What did they look like?" "Well one was very large, and the other rather skinny…" "No, the dementors."

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

**Arabella Figg **I was nervous!

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><p><strong> Ginny Weasley<strong> HE GOT OFF, HE GOT OFF, HE GOT OFF.

**Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Fred Weasley, and George Weasley like this. **

** Molly Weasley **O.e

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>New DADA teacher. She reminds me of "Pretty in Pink," except it should be "Ugly in Pink."

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>You know how adults always tell you, "Tell the truth?" Well, when you do, they don't believe you. Bloody typical. I got detention for telling the truth.

**Ron Weasley and Ginny Weasley like this. **

**Angelina Johnson **And during Quidditch practice, too!

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><p><strong>Hermione Granger <strong>DADA these days is crap. It's not about theory, it's about practicing defensive spells! And a "safe, Ministry-Approved course?" Please. It's a book for first-years.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Ron Weasley** Hermione!

**Hermione Granger** Well it's true. **Dolores Umbridge **is a toad.

**Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Parvati Patil, Lavender Brown, Fred Weasley, and George Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Anyone seen **Rubeus Hagrid** lately?

**Albus Dumbledore** Um… no….

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><p><strong>Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Michael Corner, Cho Chang, Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Parvati Patil, Padma Patil, and Lavender Brown <strong>have joined the group **Dumbledore's Army. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>and **Cho Chang **are in a relationship and it's complicated.

**Ron Weasley **Finally!

**Ginny Weasley **….

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley Harry Potter<strong> If it weren't for you and your crazy nightmares, I'd be fatherless. :D

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Harry Potter** Anytime, bro.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Stupid Occlumency.

**Severus Snape **You and your stupid nightmares.

**Harry Potter **Not my fault you left the Pensieve lying around….

**Ron Weasley likes this.**

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Hermione Granger <strong>I freaking love you. Getting **Rita Skeeter** to interview me? Genius.

**Hermione Granger likes this. **

**Rita Skeeter **Hmph.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>is single.

**Ginny Weasley and Romilda Vane like this. **

**Hermione Granger **Oh… did she see your wall post?

**Harry Potter** She was also the one who got the D.A in trouble. -_-

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Dolores Umbridge <strong>You banned me from the Quidditch team? Are you effing kidding me?

**Fred Weasley and George Weasley like this. **

**Dolores Umbridge** It was for your own good.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> Just saw epic fight scene outside Hagrid's hut. **Minerva McGonagall** didn't look so good, though….

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

**Ron Weasley **During the Astronomy O.W.L, right?

**Harry Potter **Yup.

**Hermione Granger** Honestly….

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> Awesome escape today during O.W.L.s, **Fred Weasley and George Weasley. **Seeing a firework eat Umbridge was gorgeous.

**Ron Weasley, Fred Weasley, and George Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> I love centaurs.

**Hermione Granger likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> R.I.P. **Sirius Black. **You're forever in my heart. : (

**Ron Weasley **Sorry, man.

**Bellatrix Lestrange** It felt really good.


	6. Chapter 6

**Harry Potter **Apparition… isn't fun. It actually kind of hurts.

**Ron Weasley, Albus Dumbledore, and Horace Slughorn like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Fleur Delacour <strong>You do know that **Ginny Weasley** refers to you as "Phlegm?"

**Ginny Weasley, Molly Weasley and Hermione Granger like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> Did all right on the O.… got a P in Divination and a D in History of Magic, of course. I'm just surprised I passed Potions.

**Hermione Granger **Don't forget, you got an O in DADA :D

**Ron Weasley **You got an O in everything, Hermione -.-

**Hermione Granger** Just because you got a T in everything…

**Ron Weasley** I didn't get a single T!

**Hermione Granger** If you say so.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>QUIDDITCH CAPTAIN… OH YEAH

**Harry Potter and Ron Weasley like this. **

**Ron Weasley** You better let me on the team.

**Ginny Weasley **With clumsiness like yours? Please.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> Weasley's Wizard Wheezes… amazing place. I need about half the stuff in there.

**Fred Weasley **It's all free for you, Harry… You gave us our starting loan : )

**Ron Weasley **I don't feel loved anymore…

**Harry Potter** Don't worry, I think **Lavender Brown **is starting to like you ;D

**Hermione Granger** ….

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I'm sitting with **Neville Longbottom **and **Luna Lovegood **in the train. Oh, Lord.

**Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, and Luna Lovegood like this. **

**Luna Lovegood **It was a very interesting conversation.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I heard **Severus Snape **is the new DADA teacher and **Horace Slughorn **is the Potions master. Kill me now.

**Severus Snape, Horace Slughorn, and Ron Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Ginny Weasley and Dean Thomas <strong>are in a relationship.

**Hermione Granger, Parvati Patil, Lavender Brown, and Luna Lovegood like this.**

**Ron Weasley **DISLIKE.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Whoever the Half-Blood Prince is, I'm ready to worship him.

**Ron Weasley **You could have at least shared the book with me.

**Harry Potter **Too late.

**Hermione Granger **I don't think following annotations from a silly student is a good idea…

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I saw Voldemort as a kid today with **Albus Dumbledore**. It was really weird.

**Ron Weasley **I can't imagine something like that…

**Harry Potter **He also had a mother :O

**Ron Weasley **That, I can't even think of.

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley Harry Potter <strong>Next time you want to wake me up, use the alarm clock, not Levicorpus.

**Harry Potter, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, and Neville Longbottom like this. **

**Harry Potter **I was just curious…

* * *

><p><strong>Ron Weasley <strong>and **Lavender Brown **are in a relationship.

**Harry Potter, Molly Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, and Parvati Patil like this. **

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><p><strong>Hermione Granger Harry Potter <strong>"She only likes you because you're the Chosen One!" "But I am the Chosen One!" -_- Boys.

**Ron Weasley and Harry Potter like this. **

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><p><strong>Romilda Vane Ron Weasley <strong>I can't believe you got the love potion -.-

**Harry Potter and Horace Slughorn like this. **

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley <strong>is single.

**Hermione Granger likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Note to self: Never try Sectumsempra again.

**Hermione Granger likes this. **

**Hermione Granger **I told you!

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>and** Ginny Weasley **are in a relationship.

**Hermione Granger, Parvati Patil, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, and George Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley <strong>I DO NOT HAVE A PYGMY PUFF TATTOO ON MY PRIVATES!

**Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger like this. **

**Ginny Weasley **That's not what **Romilda Vane **thinks.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>When I die, I hope I don't become an Inferi. Because Inferi? Seriously creepy. Like, ewww.

**Albus Dumbledore and Ron Weasley like this. **

**Albus Dumbledore **Agreed.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>We'll miss you, **Albus Dumbledore. **

**Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Aberforth Dumbledore, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Lee Jordan, Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley and 3 others like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I still can't believe the Half-Blood Prince was **Severus Snape. **I also can't believe I said I was ready to worship him.

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

**Hermione Granger** Comeuppance, much?


	7. Chapter 7

**Harry Potter **Goodbye, Dursleys! :D

**Ron Weasley, Rubeus Hagrid, and Nymphadora Tonks like this.**

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>The next time you guys turn into me, can't you go somewhere private to change clothes? I'd rather not have you show my body everywhere -.-

**Fleur Delacour **It was gross.

**Hermione Granger **I never want to do it again.

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><p><strong>Harrry Potter George Weasley <strong>You're holey now! :D Get it?

**George Weasley **You suck at puns, Harry.

**Harry Potter **I know...

* * *

><p><strong>Hermione Granger <strong>Happy 17th Harry!

**Harry Potter, Molly Weasley, Ron Weasley, Rubeus Hagrid, Remus Lupin, and Nymphadora Tonks like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Thanks so much for the Snitch, **Albus Dumbledore, **and my nonexistent sword. -_- (I still think Snitches taste horrible, BTW)

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley <strong>Félicitations, Fleur. Je pense toujours que vous auriez dû me marier.

**Fleur Delacour **Non, tu es putain dégueulasse.

**Hermione Granger, Gabri****elle Delacour, and Bill Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Hermione Granger <strong>How can you fit all of our crap into that tiny purse of yours ?

**Hermione Granger** Magic ! :D

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Awesome security at Grimmauld Place. It's a bodyguard made of dust that tries to eat you.

**Ron Weasley **It scared that heck out of me.

**Ginny Weasley** Sissy.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger <strong>checked in at **Number 12, Grimmauld Place.**

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley Harry Potter <strong>I still think you're a git for leaving us. You had Hermione be all like, "AHH OMG WHERES HARRY!" -.-

**Hermione Granger **A hopeless exaggeration.

**Ron Weasley** Surreee, Hermione.

**Harry Potter **You guys need a vacation away from each other.

**Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley like this. **

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger <strong>checked in at **The Ministry of Magic.**

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Hi, my name is Albert Runcorn. I'm freakishly tall and my voice is freakishly low!

**Hermione Granger** Hello, my name is Mafalda Hopkirk. I enjoy prosecuting Muggle-borns!

**Ron Weasley **Hey, I'm Reg Cattermole. I suck at fixing raining offices!

**Hermione Granger likes this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> Umbridge has **Alastor Moody's** eye stuck to her door. Ewww.

**Fred Weasley, Ron Weasley, George Weasley, and Hermione Granger like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> Well, we're hobos now. Home, sweet tent.

**Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Ron Weasley George Weasley<strong> I feel your pain… I bled half to death today D:

**George Weasley** At least you don't have a hole in your head.

**Ron Weasley** True.

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter Hermione Granger <strong>Do all necklaces make you go psycho?

**Hermione Granger** -_-"

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter<strong> Bathilda Bagshot… is a snake?... Whaaa?...

**Hermione Granger likes this. **

**Hermione Granger **I know. I was there, too.

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><p><strong>Harry Potter Hermione Granger <strong>Why didn't you save my wand? You saved me! D:

**Hermione Granger **Honestly…

* * *

><p><strong>Hermione Granger <strong>"The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore"… is a piece of crap. Just like Rita Skeeter.

**Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley like this. **

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><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Found my sword in a frozen lake, guided by a silver doe that's not even real. My life? Is screwed up.

**Hermione Granger **Tell me about it.

**Ron Weasley** At least you found me, though! :D

**Hermione Granger **And that's a good thing?

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>3 Horcruxes down, 4 more to go…. Ughhh Voldemort why did you make so many?

**Ron Weasley and Bellatrix Lestrange like this. **

**Bellatrix Lestrange** I've wondered the same thing for years.

* * *

><p><strong>Ron Weasley Luna Lovegood <strong>Your house is so… circular.

**Luna Lovegood **Thank you! :)

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Storytime at the Lovegoods' place. :D

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

**Hermione Granger **-_-

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter Draco Malfoy <strong>Why is your house so dark? What, are you a vampire?

**Draco Malfoy **Yes, I'm a vampire, just like that traitor **Cedric Diggory, **aka **Edward Cullen**.

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>Okay so first my parents die. I'm cool with that. Then my broomstick. Then Sirius. Then Dumbledore. Then Hedwig. Then Dobby. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Rubeus Hagrid, Bill Weasley, and Fleur Delacour like this. **

**Draco Malfoy **That's what I said! Who's going to clean my room now? D:

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>We're robbing a bank today. YESSSS.

**Ron Weasley likes this. **

**Ron Weasley **We're also robbing a Death Eater's vault. DOUBLE YESSS.

* * *

><p><strong>Ron Weasley Hermione Granger <strong>You can't keep a dragon for a pet. **Rubeus Hagrid **taught us that in our first year.

**Hermione Granger **Who said I wanted it for a pet?

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter Minerva McGonagall <strong>Whoa, Professor… you went all ghetto on Snape. And then he jumped out a window. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT FOR YEARS.

**Minerva McGonagall **So have I, believe me.

**Ron Weasley and Harry Potter like this. **

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I was so preoccupied with the battle that I forgot the battle was being fought for me so I could look for that diadem. Wow.

**Hermione Granger** …Which proves you're only slightly above a monkey in intelligence.

**Harry Potter** Hey!

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>I love how we were arguing over the Invisibility Cloak like a bunch of little kids, **Ron Weasley** and **Hermione Granger.**

**Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger like this. **

* * *

><p><strong>Hermione Granger Harry Potter <strong>Don't ever trick us like that again!

**Harry Potter **Well, I had to. :/

**Hermione Granger **Still! We thought you were really dead!

**Harry Potter **If I'm such a good actor, maybe I could join the movie biz…

* * *

><p><strong>Harry Potter <strong>HOGWARTS VICTORY! We lost some people along the way but still… VIC-TOR-AYYY!

**Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, George Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, Molly Weasley, Minerva McGonagall, Arthur Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Ginny Weasley, and Neville Longbottom like this. **

* * *

><p><em><strong>~19 Years Later~ <strong>_

**Harry Potter **Watched our kids go off to Hogwarts today. I hope their time there is less action-packed then mine…

**Ginny Potter, Hermione Weasley, and Ron Weasley like this. **

**Ron Weasley **It probably won't be.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The End! :D Hope you liked that... BTW, the translation to the French above is: **

**"Congratulations, Fleur. I still think you should have married me."**

**"No, you're fucking disgusting." **


End file.
